Enough

Most people who know me are probably about to be a little surprised. The few who really know me...understand me enough that I've admitted this to, won't be surprised one bit. See, the problem is, I have ridiculously high expectations for myself. In fact, in most areas I expect perfection, and this makes me massively insecure on many occasions. I actually spend more time worrying about myself--whether I look good, whether I fit in, whether people like me--than I do about anything else. It's pathetic, really. And many times, these expectations contradict each other. I want people to think I am a "good little Christian" (I am the pastor's daughter) and I want others to think I'm not "too churchy". I want to do well in school, and I don't want people stereotype me as the "little nerdy girl". I want to be an individual, and I want to blend in. I expect impossible things of myself, and secretly I know I can't do it. That frustrates me more than anything. It often makes me defensive, too. I can't accept correction because it's "one more thing" I don't think I can handle. So I don't respond well--which makes it all worse, which makes me even more frustrated with myself.
I had a long talk with my dad last night. (He's my hero.) He listened to all of it, and he showed me what was wrong with it, how it really doesn't honor God. God made me just like He wanted me and I should strive to please Him--no more, no less. If I focus on God and who He wants me to be, I don't have to get frustrated when I don't meet my own expectations. I don't have to be perfect. The most enormous feeling of release washed over me when I realized this. I don't have to be perfect. I can just be who I am and who God made me to be, and that is enough. I am enough. He is enough. I don't need outside approval, I don't even need my own approval. He is enough.