Psalm 91

Life is not easy. I am learning this the hard way. But just because life is not easy does not mean life can't be good. In a way, the hardest times in life can be the best. God keeps knocking my feet out from under me so that I'm forced to fall back on Him. And finally, I am. I was reading last week in the Psalms, when I came across something I've probably read dozens of times. But this time it was different. I'll explain in a minute, but first...well, see what I'm talking about here. ( I mean it. Actually read it) It was like God took me by the shoulders and made me look at him and He said again what He's been saying all along (obviously, I'm paraphrasing Psalm 91 here):

"My precious child, I love you so much. When you rest in Me, you will find shelter in the best way possible. I am One you can trust, One in whom you can take refuge. Trust me, my child. I will save you from every evil imagined, every circumstance gone wrong. I will shield you and protect you and hold you close to My heart. I am faithful, and in that you can rejoice. You don't have to be afraid of things you don't understand, or of anyone who may ever try to hurt you. Things may go wrong around you, but you never have anyting to fear. If you will trust me and make Me your refuge, I will send my angels to take special care of you, they will lift you up and protect you. In Me, you will have the strength to overcome whatever befalls you. Because you love Me, I will rescue you. I will protect you, because you know me and do not hide the fact. When you call My name, I will always answer. I will be with you whatever trouble may come, and I will deliver you from it. I will lift you up. In Me you will be satisfied, in Me you have found salvation. Don't give up, Allie! I'm here. I'm not simply watching from above, or delegating the work. I'm here...I'm here. And I love you far beyond your imagination. Let me hold you, my child. Stop fighting and worrying and just trust Me. I love you...I love you so much..."

"He who dwells in the shadow of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, 'He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust'..."

"Candid Camera"

Is anyone else like me in that you really, really, really like Facebook? If so...maybe this post on Tim Stevens's (yes, Heather's dad) blog is something you should read too. For those of you too lazy to just click and read it, I'll summarize.
Facebook (myspace, twitter, etc.) is awesome. But there's one thing I hadn't really thought about--whatever you write on Facebook, stays on Facebook. There's no "take backs". And apparently some people are wising up to this. Employers are checking out people's profiles, blogs, walls. This thought scares me. I'm sure I've written stuff that I wouldn't want some people to see. I mean, don't we say always say things we wish we hadn't five seconds later? The thing is...people forget about what you say. Facebook never does. Mr. Stevens put it this way--we should live online like we're on Candid Camera. Because we are. There's a huge temptation online to be someone we're not, to write things we might never say out loud, look around at stuff we probably shouldn't. Resist that! Not only will it mess you up in general (being tow different people usually does) but it could mess up people's perception of you. I'm not innocent either, believe me. Maybe we all just need to be reminded to be careful.

"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should
not be. Can both fresh water and salt
water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a
grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh
water.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it
by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom."

~James 3: 10-13

Enough

Most people who know me are probably about to be a little surprised. The few who really know me...understand me enough that I've admitted this to, won't be surprised one bit. See, the problem is, I have ridiculously high expectations for myself. In fact, in most areas I expect perfection, and this makes me massively insecure on many occasions. I actually spend more time worrying about myself--whether I look good, whether I fit in, whether people like me--than I do about anything else. It's pathetic, really. And many times, these expectations contradict each other. I want people to think I am a "good little Christian" (I am the pastor's daughter) and I want others to think I'm not "too churchy". I want to do well in school, and I don't want people stereotype me as the "little nerdy girl". I want to be an individual, and I want to blend in. I expect impossible things of myself, and secretly I know I can't do it. That frustrates me more than anything. It often makes me defensive, too. I can't accept correction because it's "one more thing" I don't think I can handle. So I don't respond well--which makes it all worse, which makes me even more frustrated with myself.
I had a long talk with my dad last night. (He's my hero.) He listened to all of it, and he showed me what was wrong with it, how it really doesn't honor God. God made me just like He wanted me and I should strive to please Him--no more, no less. If I focus on God and who He wants me to be, I don't have to get frustrated when I don't meet my own expectations. I don't have to be perfect. The most enormous feeling of release washed over me when I realized this. I don't have to be perfect. I can just be who I am and who God made me to be, and that is enough. I am enough. He is enough. I don't need outside approval, I don't even need my own approval. He is enough.